Carly and Me

Yesterday I went to Walgreen’s on 9400 South and 2000 East to get a great deal on some items. I had written down everything I needed and put all the coupons for each transaction together. There were some items in the weekly ad that they didn’t have so I made a couple changes. I had it figured out that I wouldn’t have to pay very much.

The girl, Angela, that checked me out couldn’t have possibly passed her employee training because she was terrible. She didn’t apply any coupons and in-store specials, so the first transaction was screwed up. In hindsight, I should have told her exactly what to do, but I assumed that she knew what was on sale and what deals should be awarded. NO! She screwed it up. Before I could walk her through the error, she started the 2nd transaction. Screwed it up again. I tried to tell her what she did wrong on the first transaction and she got pretty irritated that I had brought coupons and expected the in-store deals on top of that. So I’m frustrated and she is frustrated.

“Let me see all your coupons,” Angela barked.
“No, they are all in order, you should use these.” And I pointed to the ones I had put on the counter.
“But these are wrong.” No, they weren’t wrong and I pulled out the weekly ad to show her that the items were on sale. As I was doing that, I dropped all my notes (use staples next time), and they dropped all over the floor. Angela got even more irritated.

“Look, go to the cosmetics counter and I’ll call the Manager.” She said. “I’m not good at coupons, but he is.” Then why does she work there? It’s a bad economy, figure it out!

Any way, the Manager was very nice to refund, apply coupons and the in-store deals and help me find items that he would substitute. He was very apologetic and told me several times that he hopes I’ll come back soon. After so many times sliding my debit card, it was rejected and I had to use all my dollar bills and a credit card. I still ended up paying $74 (which I wouldn’t have paid had I known how much it was going to be). However, I did save money, and once I get some rebates, I’ll get back $30. So it was a better deal than it felt at the time.

So, I left the store after 2 hours of shopping, refunding, and paying. (I was supposed to be working not taking a long lunch.) Remember the wind yesterday? Yes, it was VERY windy. So after I rammed my cart, which I’m calling Carly because it had a mind of its own, into a line of shopping carts in the store and got the front wheel stuck to the point that a Nice Handsome Guy had to come and untangle us. (Aside: why are they always Handsome? Why can't a really ugly guy rescue me once in a while. It would be enormously less embarrassing.)

I finally made it out of the store and headed to my car, which I had parked right out front. As soon as we hit the wind, it sent Carly and me across the parking lot like a kite. I managed to push us UP to the car but I didn’t dare open the hatchback to put my sacks in because once it was open, I couldn’t reach the handle to close it. I have a rope tied to the handle on the hatchback, but the wind would have whipped it out of reach and I envisioned myself sitting there waiting for someone to come help while I was in Hurricane Carly. Mind you that no fool was out in the wind so there was hardly any one in the store.

So I inched myself up hill and against the wind around the car to the back door and kind of wedged Carly between me and the car. I had to hold her with one hand behind my back and open the door with the other. But couldn’t get the door open enough to get the sacks in. As I struggled with it for a minute or so, Carly had had enough of the wedgie I was giving her, so she did an about turn and made a break for an escape. I chased her down the parking lot spewing cuss words and finally convinced her that she need to stay by me and we headed for the car, AGAIN! I pushed with one hand and held Carly (by the nap of the neck) with the other hand. The wind gusts pushed Carly sideways and it took me with her. I tried pushing, then pulling her in circles, giggling, and wondering how many people driving by on busy 9400 South were laughing at me. AND WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE STOP AND HELP?

I eventually pushed and meandered myself and errant Carly back to the car door and tried again. Ha! She got away again and by now the wind was too strong for me to even sit up in my chair, so I’m laying down on my knees and chasing the cart DOWN the parking lot like I was street luging. Giggling and wondering if I should just give up and let the wind push me home. It was all downhill except for the last block. I could have J.D. take me back to get my car when he got home, but how the hell would I push Carly the last block? I decided it would be less embarrassing to have strangers laugh at me than my neighbors.

FINALLY! A very nice woman ran down the cart and asked if I needed help.

"PLEEEEASE, I’m having a hard time here."

She helped push Carly and me to the car door again and then held Carly as I started throwing sacks in the back. Then one of my items caught flight and flew out of the sack and tumbled across the parking lot. So Very Nice Lady let go of the Carly, and me, and chased the box. Picture yourself running after a piece of paper and just as you get to it, it takes flight. You bend down and it jumps, so you are bowing up and down like you are headed to Mecca. That’s what was happening. Very Nice Lady gave up reaching for it and tried to stomp on it, but it kept jumping so Very Nice Lady looked like she was dancing in the wind. I wish I would have been driving by. I would have stopped.

The curb finally the box. Box, mind you, it wasn't a little item.

Back to the car, and Very Nice Lady holding me, I managed to sling the remaining sacks in the back seat. At that point a Little Old Lady wanted to help me get in the car. I had to respectfully decline her and I threw myself into the car, exhausted and laughing at myself. Very Nice Lady led Carly back inside the store. As I was getting my wallet out of my chair, I spilled quarters, dimes, nickels in the parking lot. At that point it was easier to lose more money at Walgreen’s than to pick it up. Hopefully some lucky person bought a candy bar with it.

Oh, I forgot. By the time I got in the car, I had wet my pants.

Thus this is the life of me.