Doing Doors and Double Time

Thursday is the end of the line; last chance charlie, the final test. We go to the mall (with built-in distractions, smells, and new tastes) to take our practical test for temporary public access. If we pass all of the tests, we get to take our dogs home and are able to take them out in public. If we don';t pass, we get out dogs, but we have to work with them at home only.

I do well on practical tests so I'm not too worried about passing, but that not because I'm arrogant or over confident, it's because I've had to do so many extra DOOR commands that I think I finally have it down.

I do great with wide doors. Taxi Dog (still having trouble with his name) and I can blast through easily without getting stuck. It's those heavy double doors that open outward that I have trouble with. After failing all the preliminary tests, I finally figured out that I have to slow down and consider where Tadster is relative to the door, me and my chair. Simi worked through it today with me and I think we have it.

Did I mention that having a dog means that it takes twice as long to do EVERYTHING?

DOUBLE-TIME

When I first entered the wheelchair world, my life slowed to a crawl. It's taken me so long to realize that I'm late to everything because I plan for 20 minutes and it really takes me 40.

It's a 20 minute drive to work. Normal people grab their briefcase as they are running out of the door and maybe a yogurt or bagel. They eat the bagel in the car (perhaps the yogurt if they are really proficient at multi-tasking) and do a brisk walk up the stairs to get their "work-out" in for the day.

Kellene got up, showered, dressed did her hair and makeup in less than 20 minutes this morning. She's an over-achiever so it probably takes the average person 45-60 minutes from bed to door every morning.

I'm not whining or bragging, but I realized that I have never really explained the details of what people with awesome-abilities (that's today's politically correct word for me) go through before they even interact with other people. You wonder why I check email and voice mail at home before I leave the house; because I need a freaking nap before 9:00 am!

My morning looks like this: Wake at 6:00 (if I sleep in). It takes me 5 minutes to sit up and transfer out of bed. Go back, find glasses on nightstand = 1 minute. Without getting into the nitty gritty of paraplegic hygiene, it takes me 30 minutes to toilet. Undress in chair 10 minutes try it sometime, it's dang hard!), and 30 minutes to shower (if I hurry) = 1 hour + 16 minutes.

Hair and makeup takes 30 minutes. Let me tell you about the beauty aspect of my life. I realize I need extra time to put make up on because there's more nose to spread foundation over than the average person, but here's how it works. If I put my hands above my chest (like to dry my hair) I fall over face first into the sink. The constant slamming of the chin on the sink finally got my attention (the metal plate holding my chin and teeth in my mouth kind of hurts when they meet the porcelain), so I have to constantly balance myself with one elbow on the bathroom counter (which I built at the perfect level for me -- it's kind of like a doll house for J.D.). I have nerve damage in my arms so to have them up for more than about 10 seconds is more pain than I can handle (wimp, I know). So I'm pretty much exhausted by the time I get somewhat presentable.

total so far = 1 hour + 46 minutes.

Brush teeth, baby-talk to the dog, pet cats, gather clothes = 10 minutes. Iron if I haven't made it to the Dry Cleaners that week = 20 minutes. I dress on my bed because dressing in a wheelchair is kind of like putting a girdle on in a phone booth with 10 people in it. So I transfer back onto bed = 1 minute.

Dressing is an interesting event. Keep in mind that the first time I dressed after lying totally flat in a hospital bed for three months it took me 2 hours to put a pair of boxer shorts on. Now I can get totally dressed in 20 minutes. (Kellene's entire get-ready-routine.)

Try this trick at home. Put your pants on and do not use any muscle below your armpits except your arms. You have to drag your leg up and feed it through the pant leg, next leg, lay down. Roll back and forth, side to side as you inch your pants (2 sizes too big) over your large @$$ a tiny bit at a time. Right side, grab sturdy belt, tug and pull. Roll to left side, grab belt, inch up. Roll to right side, left side..... you get the point. (Do not attempt in a Twin bed or in a Queen bed if someone else is in bed -- not happening.)

So now we are at 2 hours + 36 minutes (it is now 8:36 am) and I haven't left my bedroom or bathroom.

So it's late and I need to be at work so I check email, voicemail, call into a meeting if I need to and because it's now 9:00, I race out the door shoving yogurt and bagel in my briefcase because I can't drive with hand controls and eat (or use the phone or flip off stupid drivers) at the same time.

So wheelchair life takes twice as long to do EVERYTHING as walking life. Now I have another living thing with me, which takes twice (squared).

Back to my door issues. I struggled all week with opening doors, positioning myselt at the right angle so Mr T could squeeze through. Now it takes me longer to get through the doors (5 minutes each time).

I've discovered the joy and the downside of dogs. I'm looking forward to waking at 5:00 (if I'm running late) and getting to work at 9:00ish. But it's so worth it when he's laying under my desk and asks if he can take the garbage out or fetch me something off the printer.

It's a good trade.