The Good and the Bad

I had a really good post written about how I am trying to refrain from starting sentences with the work "hate". Like just now when I hit the wrong keys in a random order and the entire post disappeared. I'd normally say, "I hate it when I erase an entire post, you freaking stupid head!" That would be the clean version.

I have a good friend and a husband that don't swear. It's lovely talking to them. They can describe a frustration with actual words that are allowed in the dictionary. I've noticed how refreshing it is to talk to them. So along with quitting hating everything, I'm also trying to refrain from swearing. But really, there are just some times when there is no other words that can properly describe certain situations.

Like today when I peed my pants, (what the hell happened to the dysreflexia signs?), and the best way I could deal with it was to scream at my Bad alter ego who does all the peeing, "I hate you stupid effing moron why can't you control the basic of functions? Learn something, would you? You'd think you'd figure out how to control yourself after 50 effing years of life on this blasted rock!"

I think swearing and hating your Bad alter ego should be overlooked. My Good alter ego allows it; in fact she encourages it. Better to scream at someone who has no hope of ever getting any better at anything than scream at someone who has potential.

But I spend most of my awake time as the Good, so I'm really trying to stomp down Bad when she tries to emerge. I've gotten to the point now that my filter actually works. Like when the words, "I hate..." are forming, I catch myself and try to turn it from, "I hate it when ignorant morons in the mall look at me like I'm pitiful because they don't know how to react to someone in a wheelchair," to something like, "She wants to have great hair like mine and she really wishes she looked as hot as I do."

LIE, but it makes Good feel so much better and the more Good feels better, the less Bad shows her nasty, ugly, swearing, hating face.