Would You... Double Ya?

Jay Leno inspires me. Scary! Because if I'm watching Jay, I'm either too bored with my life to read something really good, or I'm bored with my dreams and don't want to go to bed. Any way, he is just funny.
He asked: What would you say about [Enter state here] if you were a tour guide in [enter state here]?

Once I went on a carriage ride around Temple Square with a person from out of state and and we told the Carriage driver that we were not Locals. He lied all about the city! I don't remember exactly what it was but for over an hour it went something like this:
"The Angel Moroni (pronounced like a non-local as Moron EE) spoke to the crickets and they infested all of Brigham's wives with Genital Herpes," and what do you say to that other than...

"OMG! How did they know who the wives were?"

"DUH. They are the ones in braids." (Because braids were popular back then too.) Or was it bangs?

Any way, what would you say if you were a carriage driver and you were so sick of the same old crap?

......

Flash forward several weeks and I'm watching Leno again because I'm too bored with my dreams. And my favorite comic is on the show, in person! Yes! "W" is on Leno and he is a lot more relaxed than he was when the cameras were staring down his esophagus on 9-11, and now he's a regular citizen, just like me, so I get to be petty, just like him.

Would ja ask W to autograph your book if Leno's intro is, "It's an easy read."

Would ja ever call your Mama, "a piece a work," on national TV (or even under your breath)? Isn't that the universal description of, "My mama is a beeoch?"

No way! Never, not in a kazillion, octosextrillion, one hundred hextrillion years would I EVER even THINK my Mama was a piece a work, let alone say it on Leno! I'll die defending everything about my Mama. She rocks my world. She is the smartest, prettiest, most charming Mama that ever lived. If you are the EX-President, ya otta know better, Big Double Ya, Your Mama rocks too!

Would ja ever talk about your Dad's testicals on tv even if it was a scripted joke and you were promised that the crowd would laugh at it? Remember who his dad is. No one laughed.

SIDEBAR: W said, "I haven't had a drink since August of 1986." Good on you! Go W!

Remember when he took office and the outgoing cabinet and staff pulled the W off of all the keyboards in the White House? My F1 key fell off my work computer the other day. It's kinda the same. F1 gets you to online Help.

Any way, I don't talk politics, so that's all I have to say about that.