Saturday, June 25, 2011

Hold 'em

Caveat: If this offends, it is solely because I cannot write what my heart feels.

When I was a kid, I feigned being religious. I realized that I really wasn't religious when I was in my twenties and then I totally came out in my 30's. But that's another 50 posts worth of writing and potential familial disappointments. BUT one of the incredible lessons I learned while feigning religious was that some things are secret and some things are sacred. I didn't always see eye-to-eye with those that thought they could clearly delineate the difference between secret and sacred.

Sidebar: Somewhere, someone thought that there are some things that are waaaay too secret to be discussed, so they came up with a special word: Sacred. It's code for scenarios like:
  • I don't have an explanation in writing for that very controversial issue so I'm are going with waaaay too sacred to discuss
  • Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, The Acts, and the Romans... (yes, I can name every book in the New Testament) never once mentioned that my Mother and Father in Heaven had screaming monkey sex. (My only explanation of where I could have possibly originated).
I spent some time in Institute classes (collegiate studies about the Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, etc.). And  a couple of teachers had a pragmatic viewpoint about sacred vs secret that I've adopted.

Father in Haven (Big Guy) and Mother in Heaven (Mama) bonked their brains out because it felt sooooo good. (Brother Monson taught his classes that if it didn't feel good, humans would have been too lazy to procreate. So somewhere in the evolution chain we grew nubbins, then discovered that if two nubbins are rubbed together -- KY Jelly Miracle! Tada! Sparks!). So, the Begats began...

Fast forward to the industrial age when a bunch of hard-up men who couldn't get a chick their own age decided that "feeling good" was not utilitarian or heavenly enough and they all got freaked out and frigid. So along came Sacred. (I thank the Big Guy that I was born in the me-me-me age.) Sacred became the it's-just-too-special-to-me-to-share-it-with-the-world-right-now explanation.

If you aren't religious, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. If you are, then you know that secret is eventually found out. Sacred is something that you hold against your chest so the world cannot see your cards. Hold them tight and peek at them only when you think you've won the hand. Otherwise, you can just lay down your cards and call it. You don't need to explain secret or sacred.

So, here is what I know for sure. My Mother is too sacred to post about. My J.D. is too sacred to post about, and The River is to sacred to post about. Maybe you could ask about them next year.

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